Navel gazing
The raisin imprint testifies
To where my lifeline was attached,
The one he cut before I hatched
Sharp nails and teeth to aid my cries.
From pain I shape my edges, form
My center. Passing time then leaves
A superficial orifice
That covers butterflies in swarms.
A point ends phrases, this one marks
My independence, solitude;
A socket into which you could
Insert your finger, trigger sparks.
Instead you chase away the specter,
Filling me with your sweat, your nectar.
oxygenchameleon Said:
on April 21, 2008 at 11:41 pm
The first stanza is lovely, the use of pronouns, particularly the I which seems passive at first and then grows active in the shaping of the second quatrain…
why is the orifice superficial? … i’d think it was quite the opposite. maybe i’m missing something??…
the socket/ triggering sparks is particularly striking x
http://oxygenchameleon.wordpress.com
yuzublizzard Said:
on April 23, 2008 at 12:33 pm
The physical orifice is superficial - the memory of the episode which created it goes much further. Thanks for commenting!
oxygenchameleon Said:
on April 26, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Ah, I understand. You’re welcome for the comment! I’d love to hear what you make of my poetry if you have time to peruse …